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Joke of the Day

"What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini? Olive or Twist."

"So the iPhone 7 gets arrested... He puts on his earpods and smugly declares ""sorry, you can't charge me while I'm using my headphones""."

"Why did Jon Snow go to The Apple Store? For the Watch."

"I come from a long line of people waiting to get in."

"A wizard and a vampire walk in to a bar The Wizard says, ""Let me buy you a drink old friend,"" The Vampire says, ""One chicken please!"""

"[first date] HER: I like a man who can show his true feelings. ME: *leans in close* I don't care what you like."

"Being romantic as an awkward mathematician is hard... I called my girlfriend 1/cos(c) to try and compliment her but I don't think she caught my drift. Can't blame her though, that's a triggy one."

"[alligator store] Clerk: $1500. Thanks Me: not gonna say bye to him? Clerk: uh Me: say it Clerk: goodbye Me: say ""see you later alligator"""

"That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you're a guy."

"What do you call a blowjob from a short person? A low blow"