73845

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Youtuber and a hooker? Both are getting fucked, but the hooker's still getting paid."

"I heard a guy at the beach screaming, ""HELP! SHARK! HELP!"" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him."

"Waiter: how would you like your steak? Me: rare [later] Waiter: *brings steak with a 1st edition Charizard on it* Me: *tearing up* perfect"

"What did Hellen Keller not see when she fell? ..... the floor"

"I just saw a guy take a bite out of a kitkat without breaking it apart first. Listen sir, society has rules. Adhere to them please."

"Before sending a tweet l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential."

"BARISTA: Would you like to try our new special Peruvian blend? It's sm- ME: I'm just trying to stay awake and not punch anyone."

"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood what I meant by ""I wanna watch"""

"Dear Santa -- For 2017, all I want is a SLIM body and a BIG FAT bank account. Please don't mix it up like last year."

"Ikea failed miserably at processed meat products business Someone ordered meatballs and Ikea sends them a cow with DIY instructions"