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Joke of the Day

"Waiter: how would you like your steak? Me: rare [later] Waiter: *brings steak with a 1st edition Charizard on it* Me: *tearing up* perfect"

"[revenge plan] *invent miniaturisation machine. *shrink to tiny size. *crawl all over sleeping spider's face."

"This is not a joke. All of the jokes here suck and or are reposts."

"He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris ... dies."

"If we get to have sex with our valentines on Valentine's Day I can't wait until Presidents' Day."

"One group of people still can't get married in the US Ugly people"

"Superman's only weakness is the extremely rare Kryptonite that all his enemies have."

"What does batman add to his tea? Just ice."

"I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone... Everyone knows the black ones run faster!"

"What job can you see yourself doing? Inspecting mirrors"