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Joke of the Day

"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood what I meant by ""I wanna watch"""

"Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette? Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night."

"How do aliens stay warm? Space heater."

"Why do primates do so well in show biz? Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!"

"Two owls were playing pool. One said ""Two hits."" The other replied ""Two hits to who?"""

"[date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct"

"How many Super Sayajins does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it lasts five episodes. And Kuririn dies."

"I read that 83% of prison inmates are Christians...should I be concerned with my safety when I'm up in Heaven?"

"What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam"

"*watches as both hands turn into devils* *looks over sink* HAND SATANIZER ""Oh, this is just great"""