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Joke of the Day
"I once told my friend he was dead to me... I cried during the burial."
Next Joke
"Doctor told me I will die soon. Bastard found out I was banging his wife."
"What do you get when you hire an owl to babysit your kids? A real hootenanny!"
"[ brings ouija board to your grave ] ""Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"""
"[the last supper] Waiter: ok, your bill comes to 30 pieces of silver Judas: I got this"
"Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?"
"When is the NFL going to start drafting players with mental handicaps? Have you ever seen a video of them getting the ball and not scoring a touchdown?"
"What's the best kind of cream... ...to get rid of spots and bug bites? Creamation."
"Husband: I'm going to take kids to do something fun today so you can relax. Me: sounds awesome! H: Will you get them ready for me?"
"If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team up, they'd be powerful alloys."