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Joke of the Day

"Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?"

"I painted my PC black hoping it would run faster but now it doesn't work at all."

"Why does the USA use F? The rest of the world has varying degrees of communism."

"What did baby corn say to mommy corn? Where's popcorn?"

"I told my doctor I broke my arm in 2 places today He told me not to go back to those places"

"What's gray and comes in quarts? An elephant."

"Tonight I saw a truck spin out in a snowy McDonalds parking lot, and honestly it was doing a much better job of being president."

"I hate the new 'Edge' browser Microsoft implemented in Windows 10... ...It's so pointless!"

"What do you call a pirates thong? A whispering eye patch."

"Bosses get a lot less demanding when you bring a sword to work"