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Joke of the Day

"Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?"

"Jokes about white sugar are rare, but brown sugar? Demerara Source: [This tweet](https://twitter.com/OFalafel/status/428595146905886720) by [@OFalafel on Twitter](https://twitter.com/OFalafel)."

"[First date] So what do you do for a living? ""I'm a florist"" WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT'S LAVA?"

"So a guy walks into a punchline... The punchline-tender says, ""Why the dumb joke?"""

"What's Hitler's favorite thing in the ocean? Adolfin! Where does he go to see them? NotSea World"

"My programmer friend keeps telling me I'm using too many brackets. I keep telling him that two wont hold all those books he never reads."

"Pity Poor Peter I feel sorry for my friend Peter. His hair's a mess. His family's nuts. His neighbor's an asshole. On bad days, his girlfriend's a c---. And his owner beats him. EDIT: Punctuation."

"Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time."

"[museum tour in the future] Racism and sexism ended in the 21st century, when brave Americans argued it out of existence online"

"When is Jesse Jackson going to notice how segregated Neopolitan ice cream is?"