6967

Joke of the Day

"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling."

"[phone rings] ""Is your refrigerator running?"" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* ""I don't know what he's doing anymore."""

"People who feel the Bern but don't like the sensation have been voting instead for Hillary.... ... or as they like to call her, Preparation H"

"""Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON"" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on"

"Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?"

"Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they're dead."

"It's always an ungodly hour for atheists."

"Q: Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low? A: She thought it was Diet Coke."

"Wine and cheese pair well together bc they are both the expired byproducts of other foods enjoy your trash snack rich people"

"Joe was really good at making movie trailers. There was just one problem *car honk* he didn't have access to the record scratch sound effect"