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Joke of the Day

"Decided to plant some marijuana seeds in my vegetable garden hoping I could come up with some dope beets."

"What did the rich socialite's parrot say? Polly want a cracker with cavier please!"

"CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who the f*ck does the world owe? Jupiter?"

"What's the difference between a dilapidated, run down bus stop and a big breasted lobster? One's a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean."

"Politicians hate each other more than they love America."

"Strangely enough, yelling ""I have a masters degree!"" at this electric wine opener is not helping me figure out how to make it work. Weird."

"Sometimes I feel like a real perv when I'm watching girls get dressed through a pair of binoculars"

"What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world? You mean across?"

"Sometimes I'll order a pizza without any toppings... When I'm feeling saucy."

"Walk into the club like what up does anyone own a black Honda Element because your lights are on"