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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I'll order a pizza without any toppings... When I'm feeling saucy."

"Gerald: ""Have you ever come across a man who at the slightest touch caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?"" Mabel: ""Yes the dentist."""

"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer? One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'"

"Guys, I think I found the Cure to Aids! It requires having a Magic Johnson."

"give a man a shoe and he'll be confused as to what he needs one shoe for. teach a man to shoo and you won't have to deal with his confusion."

"When I was teenage boy At first I wanted to be a gardener. Then I wanted to be a pool cleaner, afterwards a plumber. Then I stopped watching porn movies and went to college."

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic... ...and the mental health system is failing me miserably."

"Q: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the breakfast table? A: ""Use the fork, Luke."""

"What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Crib death."

"I love drinking games.... except the one where you have to try to walk a straight line while saying the ABCs backwards"