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Joke of the Day

"My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950."

"Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards? A: You get your job and your wife back."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One? Or two?"

"A toilet seat left up in the ladies room can only mean one thing. Lady cocks."

"Q. How did the blonde die ice-fishing? A. She was run over by the zambonis machine."

"__________________________________________ Just drawing the line somewhere on R/Jokes"

"Today's life lesson: ""I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."""

"What's a simile? It's like a metaphor."

"Eight glasses of water a day? Nope. I do a minimum of sixteen. Keeps you looking young. Take me for example. I was born in 1926."

"Thought I saw Donald Trump but it was just a pile of distressed leather with a raccoon napping on top of it."