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Joke of the Day

"Q. How did the blonde die ice-fishing? A. She was run over by the zambonis machine."

"Brains are awesome... I wish everyone had one."

"What did Whitney Houston's coroner say as he unbuckled his belt? It's not right, but it's OK"

"Everytime I play Monopoly I get this dad joke. http://imgur.com/bbMl41W"

"My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!"

"Imagine if your roommate made you watch a movie and left 10 mins into it. Dick move, right? My point is old people shouldn't get to vote"

"Sorry that I passed you vapor rub instead of lip balm but your lips do look as robust as fortified wine now...Does that sting?"

"[spelling bee] Your word is 'impossible' ""Oh, well I guess no point in trying"" *walks off stage*"

"Licked a frog once. He didn't turn into a prince but he did turn into an ambulance ride."

"What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ? Carpet !"