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Joke of the Day

"I got shoes from a drug dealer once... I don't know what it was laced with but I was tripping all day!!"

"I am so bored in my current profession. I am thinking of becoming a bartender... ...to shake things up a bit."

"Why do good farmers only excel when they are actually farming? Because they are out standing in their field."

"Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: Truth or dare I: M: I:.. Dare M: I dare you to give me this job I:(under breath) Damn she's good"

"What's the best way to make your wife scream when you're having sex? Call her up and tell her where you are."

"How do Hawaiian Muslims greet each other? ""Aloha Akbar!"""

"If Miley doesn't get her shit together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college"

"I haven't bought an iPhone with Siri yet because I have a fear of talking to women."

"My third bottle of wine was able to ""breathe"" for a few hours when I opened it at 3am and passed out on the floor."

"Oh, man. My grandma caught me texting my OTHER grandma and now things are super tense."