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Joke of the Day

"Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital."

"""Alex is visiting later tonight."" Alex from work or Alex the astronaut with amazing hearing? [From the moon] It's not me, Thelma. Hi Bob."

"This ATM will not give me free money no matter how many times I try the Konami Code."

"Me: this is bullshit. conditioner and shampoo in one? impossible Walmart employee who I have in a headlock: sir I didn't make the shampoo"

"A clearly exhausted Pao walks into a pub and orders a drink.... The bartender asks ""long day?"" ""No, all days are 24 hours long"" Pao replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is."

"My need for caffeine is so bad I'm going to AA for the free coffee"

"It be cool if that Malaysia plane appeared with Amelia Earhart flying it back"

"How is a 9 Volt Battery similar to an Anus? You know you shouldn't, but eventually you're gunna lick it."

"A Star Wars scene where drunk Luke and Han admit they have no idea what Chewie and R2 are saying, and then they both just start laughing"

"I have a spoon devoted solely to peanut butter so things aren't really looking up."