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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you Pull the pin out and throw it back"

"I just found I'm asexual... I'm just looking for A person to be sexual with"

"The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it."

"Did you hear about the guy who illegally downloaded Free Fallin' and Refugee? He was charged with Petty theft."

"What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picasso"

"Why was the empty penis so scary? Because it was a hollow wiener (halloweener) [works better spoken - I think - just made it up in the shower]"

"Why I will never go bungee jumping... I was brought into this world through a broken rubber and I'm not about to be taken out by one."

"Therapist: do u communicate with your kids? Me: my son stays in his room all day & never speaks Therapist [looks at notes]: the 5 week old?"

"Did you hear about the guy who pick pocketed a midget? How could he stoop so low?"

"Mafia Boss: You wearin' a wire? Me: ""Wire"" you asking me that? lol get it [the rest of this tweet takes place on the bottom of a river]"