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Joke of the Day

"Sex is like candy... You can't give it to little girls without people thinking you're a pedophile"

"The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit."

"I didn't hold open a door for a woman and she said 'I suppose chivalry is dead' So I put my sword through her heart to prove that bitch wrong."

"People with chrons disease Really need to get their shit together."

"Judge: how do you plead? Me: [looks at lawyer] Lawyer: [mouths ""not guilty""] Me: hot milky L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up"

"The crack of dawn is probably just as good as the crack you get at midnight."

"I got really excited when she talked about a motorboat date, but as it turns out, she just wanted to take a ride on the lake. *sigh*"

"Why couldn't the pony sing? He was a little horse."

"Why did the bike fall over? It was ""two"" tired."

"""It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!"" - American children."