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Joke of the Day

"I didn't hold open a door for a woman and she said 'I suppose chivalry is dead' So I put my sword through her heart to prove that bitch wrong."

"Want to hear a joke about the Nazis? Not Reich now."

"Whenever I hear brick I always yell out ""HOUSE!"" My friend Alex House hates when I go to his basketball games"

"The three American Marines that helped thwart the Terrorist Attack in France did something than no Frenchman ever has. Received Frances Highest Honor..."

"A Jewish kid asks his dad for $20 Son: Dad, I need $20 Dad: Son, $20? Why do you need $10? Here's $5"

"I'm a hard core Trekkie except instead of Star Trek, alcohol."

"Appreciate this tweet. Appreciate it because I tweeted it stealthily on the plane AFTER they told me to turn my phone off twice."

"I am sooo glad I was young, wild & crazy before there were cell phones & evidence."

"I hate it when women can argue with you for hours... ...but two minutes into a blowjob and their jaw hurts"

"""This is literally the worst beer I've ever tasted."" *finishes six pack*"