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Joke of the Day

"The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit."

"Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick"

"The other day my dessert looked like it was undressing me with it's eyes... It was a total crepe."

"Why are Canadians atheist? Because they are Eh-theists."

"Two Guys Peeing off a bridge- One guy looks over at the other- ""Man, This water is Cold! ""Yeah...It's deep, Too-"

"Who makes a million dollars a day? Someone who works in a mint."

"I thought I was drowning in an ocean of orange soda yesterday.... It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea."

"What's the difference between a seamstress and a whale A seamstress cuts up frills and a whale fucks up krill's."

"Why is it a bad idea to hunt the US national bird? It's ill-eagle"

"If you miss your ex Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again"