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Joke of the Day

"How does a german get to the airport? He heils a taxi!"

"My pistol only holds 9 bullets, so when I lose my shit I only get to kill 9 people or one cat."

"What's Peyton Manning's favorite hair style? The blowout"

"I get ignored so much that people call me terms and conditions"

"Explain joke What do pigs eat? Mud pies"

"My wife just woke me up to tell me... Wait. June is over? You must be... JULYing."

"My hobbies include 1. Refreshing the same fucking apps over and over 2. Winning arguments in my head that are already over 3. Starring into the fridge because I'm bored ..."

"Watching seals have sex has got to be the most disturbing thing I've watched today over and over."

"I was gonna go on a double date the other day... But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with me."

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me Than a frontal lobotomy."