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Joke of the Day

"I was gonna go on a double date the other day... But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with me."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? 'cause if they fell forward, they'd still be in the Fuckin' boat! I'll show myself out."

"Ghost: never eats, never sleeps, moans a lot Vampire: sucks the life out of u Werewolf: human w/ fits of howling Child: all of the above"

"Why didn't the lesbians go shopping for sports equipment? Because they don't like Dicks."

"Yes, mother, I have gained weight. No, it was not appropriate to point it out by pinching my muffin top in front of thirty people."

"Why did Hillary go to the OB/GYN? She was feelin' the Bern!"

"What's the difference between the US Election and sex? In sex it's fun to choose between a cunt and an asshole."

"In a perfect world, the phrase ""axe body spray"" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns."

"What did one ball say to the other? ""This guy in the middle is a dick"""

"Just accidentally used ""then"" instead of ""than"" and now I know what it feels like to be imperfect! Weird!"