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Joke of the Day

"Optimism? Sure, it's worth a try. I don't see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever."

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"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account."
"What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile? Q: What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile? A: Crocodile Dunsee"
"If there was an award for being the laziest guy ever I would send someone else to get it for me."
"What is the only result for Ear-rape? Hearing AIDS."
"So i was sitting on the bus... ... next to this really hot Thai girl and i thought to myself, ""Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."" ...But she did."
"My Dad was the town drunk, ... and we lived in Chicago."
"50 Shades of Spalding Gray 7 years of decay and the East River."
"Whats the difference between reddit and 9gag? 3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot"
"I think it's important for women to know there are men who stand at urinals and pee with their hands on their hips like they're Superman."