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Joke of the Day

"50 Shades of Spalding Gray 7 years of decay and the East River."

"When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write ""HELP ME"" while maintaining eye contact"

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window."

"My friend David lost his id last week Now we just call him Dav"

"I'm really claustrophobic and just walked into a room crammed full with married people... Luckily there wasn't a single person in it"

"My GF begged me to stop singing Linkin Park I tried so hard."

"I used to be passive aggressive but now I'm aggressively passive. Don't mess with me, idiot. I'll sit right here. I'll f*cking forgive you."

"Hey girl, I heard you like bad boys Well not to brag or anything but I'm bad at everything"

"I'm not only a workaholic, I drink at home too."

"Truthfully officer, I wouldn't have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.."