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Joke of the Day

"*high fives self* *misses*"

"So I tried using one of those date rape drugs the other night... It turns out its really hard to rape a girl when you're drooling on the floor the room is spinning."

"Hungry? The hell with a snickers. Look to her cleavage, you'll find at least two snacks there and maybe some stray popcorn."

"Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*"

"In my old age I may have developed alzheimer's But at least I don't have alzheimer's."

"I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly ""you are NOT the father"""

"Uranus has been the butt of many jokes. It's the gassiest of all planets."

"Heard Santa and his wife separated, which would make them independent Clauses."

"I went to a Japanese restaurant and the noodles were disgusting. I guess you could say they were stone cold soba."

"How many white people does it take to change a light bulb? One, they just need to call a repairman."