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Joke of the Day

"""Darling, can I go out in this dress?"" ""Yes dear, it's already dark out."" ""Darling, can I go out in this dress?"" ""Yes dear, it's already dark out."""

"My wife complains that I never open the car door for her, but when I do she's all, ""Stop it, you're driving too fast! We're on a bridge!"""

"What do you call the sequel to Straight Outta Compton about Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg? The Next Episode"

"A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor It was a weapon of math disruption."

"[invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?"

"I bet we'd have to say 'The steaks are pretty high' if a herd of cows ever got into a field of marijuana."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

"Feeling pretty good about myself today so I'm going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal"

"On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three-quarters."

"There are 10 types of persons in this world... ...those who understand binary and those who don't."