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Joke of the Day

"How do you fix a pumpkin With a pumpkin patch... I'm so sorry."

"How do they practice safe sex in Scotland? They brand the sheep that kick."

"Science teacher: What happened when electricity was first discovered? Fred: Someone got a nasty shock."

"ME: all the King's horses and men couldn't put u back together HUMPTY DUMPTY: what now M: [opening package of bacon] I'll think of something"

"I started wearing nicotine patches as a way of easing myself into a smoking habit."

"My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, ""How old are you?"" I said, ""I'm five."" He said, ""When I was your age I was six."""

"What did the Alabama State sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times? The worst case of suicide he has ever seen."

"Did you hear about the lesbian couple who couldn't afford a double-headed dildo? They were having trouble making ends meet"

"Stevie Wonder is the worst Father Hasnt seen his kids in years"

"Ferguson? What about Fergdudaughter? Must have Asian parents."