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Joke of the Day

"Dear England, Now you know what it feels like when you're out of Europe against your will. Scotland."

"Pa's being chased by a bull! Well what in tarnation do you want me to do about it? Get me some film for my camera!"

"How Pokemon go came to be Customers: ""Niantic, can we have 151 Pokemon?"" Niantic: ""147 Pokemon? You want to have 145 Pokemon?! What are you going to do with 142 Pokemon?!"""

"What did the teenage boy who was jerking off in his room say when his mother called? One second mom, I'm coming!"

"I'm kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought ""Hogwarts"" was an STD"

"Wife: We're not talking over the radio. This relationship is over. Me: This relationship is what? Over."

"My new nickname at work should be ""Laxative"" cause I make sh*t happen."

"""You know why I pulled you over?"" ""Does anyone know why anyone's pulled over?"" ""Wow. You're free to go."" ""Is anyone free?"" ""Oh you're good."""

"I've always wanted to drown my troubles But I can never get my wife to go swimming"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bustation the other is busty crustacean."