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Joke of the Day

"Pa's being chased by a bull! Well what in tarnation do you want me to do about it? Get me some film for my camera!"

"What is the difference between a Peeping Tom and a burglar? A burglar snatches watches."

"There is no law that says you can't smoke celery inside public places. What are they gonna do? Ask you to extinguish your celery? Doubtful."

"I think the most profound advice my father ever told me was... ""Stop using me in your bullshit stories."""

"Wife: What r u doing? Husband: Killing mosquitoes. Wife: How many did u kill? Husband: Total 5. Two female, 3 males. Wife: How do u know their genders? Husband: 2 near mirror and 3 near beer."

"One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them"

"what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? have you seen my tractor?"

"Where do they make contentment? At the satis-factory."

"I just fired my liquid measurement calibration manager He had really poor litership skills."

"Nothing's Ever Right by Mona Lott"