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Joke of the Day
"What did the people say about the eccentric poo? It was a little nutty."
Next Joke
"Mom: how's therapy Me: ok. my anxiety is better Mom: great Me: yeah Mom: Me: Mom: so did u get the article I sent u about the flesh eating b"
"My wife used to be a nun... But I got her out of the habit."
"I'm broke but not ""vacuums the air filter* instead of replacing it"" broke. *more than twice."
"You scream, I scream.... The cops come, its awkward."
"I'm not playing hard to get. I'm playing leave me the fuck alone."
"What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot? let me be your *soil*mate"
"No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date."
"When the Williams sisters' play against each other, who sits in Venus's box? Old Dick i.e. Richard Williams, her dad"
"I used to be addicted... to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around (x-post from /r/jokes)"