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Joke of the Day

"Did you know frogs can jump higher than houses? This is for two reasons: 1. Frogs have extremely strong hind legs. 2. Houses can't jump."

"What do you call a flying turtle? A shellicopter."

"Just got back from Germany... and let me tell ya, their meat is the Wurst."

"I hate how my job always expects me to show up."

"why does looking at animals covered in oil make me sad, but looking at animals covered in oil and deep-fried make me hungry?"

"Oops, I ""accidentally"" left my in-laws at the grocery store. Darn. I guess I'll just have to get them Monday on the way back to the airport."

"How do old people check up to see how their friends are doing? They look in the obituary"

"What does an atheist yell during sex? Oh, nothing!"

"I keep my monocle freshly waxed so it easily slips out of my eye socket and falls into my cup of tea whenever I'm shocked by your behavior."

"Unfortunately, the house having 'period features' turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month."