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Joke of the Day

"[girlfriend yelling] You have an unhealthy attachment to your pets with weird names! [she knocks over my dead hamster's shrine] GILGAMESH!"

"A cop stopped a guy for speeding... He said, ""I have been waiting all day for someone like you."" And the guy answered, ""That's why I wanted to be here as fast as possible !"""

"I'm lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It's just a shame I'm a lefty."

"cant take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge.... you are coming to my room"

"If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong ..."

"China's stock market is down again We should have seen it coming. The red flags were everywhere."

"I can't believe that Trump is banning Muslims from the U.S. Like, Syria-sly America?"

"What do you call a reptile that's good with directions? A Navigator"

"What do you get when you mix an owl with a rooster? A cock who stays up all night."