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Joke of the Day

"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons."

"Read more Aardvark jokes"

"""What do we want?!"" ""TIME TRAVEL!"" ""When do we want it?!"" ""IRRELEVANT!"""

"Why is a UTI such a bad thing? Because it means urine trouble"

"Life is like a cup of coffe. Dark and bitter."

"""Whoa nice car"" Thanks. I dropped 40K on a new set of wheels [whispers to friend] ""What kind of idiot spends $40,000 on tires"""

"The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options."

"How does Hitler like his orange juice? Freshly squeezed."

"How to be cool: A) Use the cool sunglasses emoticon B)"

"If I ever win the lottery & someone asks me for money I'm going to give them a dollar & say ""Here. Go play the Lottery. That's what I did."""