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Joke of the Day

"I won't say I necessarily want to be in a relationship, but I will say its been hard to load a dishwasher with no feedback, whatsoever."

"[packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen"

"Your baby was cute until I realized you're on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid."

"Sure, Sally, I'll just buy one of your shells BY THE SEA SHORE. Oh, wait, here's one just laying here, you skank."

"My favorite new song is either that one from the Samsung commercial, or the one from the Budweiser commercial."

"""Oh fuck, of course!"" -unicycler seeing a bicycle"

"My dentist and orthodontist have the same name... Isn't that coinci*dental*?"

"I saw an American Bridge player crying last night She said she bid 4 No Trump"

"Yo Momma So Fat Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, ""I need your weight not your phone number."

"Why was the clumsy vegetable farmer a good dj? Because he dropped the beet."