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Joke of the Day

"[packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen"

"What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free"

"Does the S in iPhone 5S stand for ""superficial""? ""Shallow""? ""Slave""? Or ""soon to be obsolete""?"

"It's not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER. It's the quality of followers."

"Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag.mons"

"My new year resolution is 1024x768."

"For the record ladies, your insecurities about your bodies is a bigger turn off to guys than your bodies ever could be."

"Did you hear about the kindergartener with a bad knee? He needed a kid knee transplant."

"[Friday Night] WIFE: Have fun at poker ME {stopping at door}: What did you say? W: Have fun ME: After that W: Uh...at poker- ME: IT'S POKEMON"

"What do you call freshly made cheese? Goudas-new"