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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Edward leave Russia? He's Snowden."

"A warm toilet seat... A warm toilet seat is like fucking a prostitute. It feels amazing at first but you can't help but wonder who was there before you."

"Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies."

"I hate Simpsons posts! Because I am a family guy."

"A leper gave me the finger the other day I was upset, but I still did the right thing and gave it back"

"An invisible man broke up with his invisible girlfriend... He didn't think they should see each other anymore."

"Philip Hughes joke 1 (warning: probably offensive to some) Did you hear Philip Hughes can't play a hook shot to save his life."

"Joke spy Why did the spy stay in bed? Because he was undercover"

"Little Girl: ""Mom I want to be a Redditor when i grow up"" Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both"""

"When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says ""Aww you were so cute! What happened?"" Bitch, I got sexy, that's what happened."