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Joke of the Day

"[*Wakes up on sofa] ""Did I...DID I HAVE A FIGHT WITH BATMAN?"" Wife [from bedroom]: ""YOU. PUNCHED. A. NUN."""

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine. Why was seven afraid of eight? Induction."

"What's the worst thing about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done."

"Bill Clinton has been battling the same illness for 17 years. Pneumonica."

"How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck"

"I make love like a machine. Unfortunately it's a two-stroke engine."

"me: did you know beethoven was deaf date: the dog? me: of course the dog"

"Dogs really like me... I think it's because I'm an asshole"

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!"

"anything is pocket sized if your ass is big enough"