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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst thing about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done."

"I owe so much to X-men, the movie that taught me it was ok to be a terrifying mutant"

"Her: I just don't like you, no one does Me: What, why? is it my hair? Her: no Me: MY LOOKS!? Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god"

"A man goes to join the navy Instructor- Do you know how to swim? Man-wait...they don't provide ships?"

"G: Grandma (completely safe watch with grandma) PG: Partial Grandma (slightly awkward) PG13: 13 or more cusses (very awkward) R: NO grandmas"

"What do you call it when your diarrhea finally goes away? Gonorrhea."

"Why can't T-Rex's Hi-Five each other? Because they are dead."

"If they made a movie of my life it would be a lot of me looking for something to wipe my hands on."

"Hi I am an NSA employee Tell me anything."

"So they're making a Hulk body wash... You apply it with a Loofah Rigno."