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Joke of the Day

"I'd really, really love to adopt a kid some day. Abort* Sorry, I hate auto correct."

"You mean 'idiosyncrasies' doesn't mean two or more idiots doing the same thing at the same time?"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? [nsfw] I don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it. (Although they're terrible I can't help but to love dead baby jokes)"

"I would shave my beard... but it's kind of grown on me."

"The new fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account."

"And now I spend the rest of the day worrying about whether or not I removed the sticker from the apple I just ate."

"What do you call a Wolfman who barks at a half moon? UnawareWolf"

"Saw a standup duo last night. One totally died on stage. The other killed. Actually, now I think about it, it might have been a cage fight."

"I have a friend whose status says ""suicidal standing on edge of cliff'.... I poked him."

"I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit. And all I did was sign up."