68233

Joke of the Day

"""I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"""

"Therapist: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree"

"A pirate walks into a bar with a ships steering wheel in the front of his pants. The bartender asks ""isn't that bothering you?"" The pirate replies ""aye, it be driving me nuts."""

"Why should you never run behind a bus? You will get exhausted."

"I like to mix things up a bit and go to a fast food place and complain that there isn't enough pubic hair or fingernails in my food."

"I never know what to do when someone tries to fist bump me, so I just slowly put their fist in my mouth"

"Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up !"

"Instead of yelling, I just say ""Caps Lock"" and then speak at a normal volume."

"Sorry I have been gone for the last two days, my son had a quick story to tell me"

"Say the best joke you have ever heard or made up."