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Joke of the Day

"No one cared about Cap'n Crunch when he was a Lieut'n'nt Com'nd'r"

"ME: who's a good boy *kissy noises* DOG: I just murdered the cat ME: you are, yes you are *rubs dog's head* DOG: you're next buddy"

"My friend showed me some of his childhood photos. ""These look nothing like you!"" My friend responded ""Why would they?"""

"Have I got a favourite 70's rock band? Yes."

"People that can't support their own arguments piss me off... I don't know why."

"Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails make?"

"I'm attracted to fat chicks... ...by the force of gravity"

"The Wall Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country."

"A man asked me, which is worse, ignorance or apathy? I told him, ""I don't know, and I don't care."""

"WIFE: Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote? ME: [bleeding profusely] So... not a dog"