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Joke of the Day

"Lucy fell in front of the train she screamed out for help ""HELP ME! I DONT WANT TO DIE THIS WAY!!"", so Luke came running over and cut her throat instead. Nice work Luke. You should be more like Luke."

"You know, not all Italians are in the mafia. Some are in the Witness Protection Program."

"What do you call a baseball player who watches porn? A master batter"

"I love palindromes that use made up words Sdrow pu edam esu taht semordnilap evol I"

"You're the apple of my eye. The grape of my elbow. The lemon of my foot. The banana of my hair. My sweet hair banana."

"Temperature in the office is set to Dante."

"We put a man on the moon yet we still keep using the same dated scientific progress analogy."

"My grandad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up sex. Which would probably explain his short lived career as a boxer."

"Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful."

"7yr old: The Tooth Fairy didn't come last night. *wipes tear* Me: Sorry sweetie, she probably got drunk and passed out on the couch."