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Joke of the Day

"My previous relationship was like a presidential term. It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office!"

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"A bunch of kids took their mom's sisters to an EDM festival. It was all aunts and aunts and aunts and aunts and aunts..."
"TIFU getting fired from the calendar factory All I did was take a day off."
"Republicans were just informed about the effects of Global Warming on the polar ice caps They're losing their cool!"
"Why can't female medical examiners have kids? Because nobody puts baby in a coroner. Hey, at least it was original, again I will see myself out."
"Told my wife that the doctor thinks I have irritable vowel syndrome. She said, ""I think you mean 'bowel'."" I said, ""Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."""
"Dad please dont mess my hair up and say love ya' in public, I'm in a gang now"
"Canadian castles... They really aren't my fort-eh."
"That rose tattoo on your ass was SO hot when you were 19. Now it looks like red cabbage"
"Dear Santa , before I try to explain, just how much do you already know?"