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Joke of the Day

"I don't think Major Tom was much of an astronaut - Ground Control had to tell him to put his helmet on, FFS. That's pretty basic stuff."

Next Joke
 
"Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of- *puts hand over phone* -what was it again? Daughter: Boogeritis. *to phone* It's Boogeritis."
"Why is it so easy to fool a vampire? Because they're a bunch of suckers."
"What did Lawrence Taylor say when they told him the prostitute he was with 15? ""That bitch told me she was 13!"""
"Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome a good lover and a stimulating partner? A. In the pages of a romance novel."
"Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, ""Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!"" I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To move out of range of North Korea's long ranged missiles."
"Is there absolutely nothing in your pocket or are you just sad to see me?"
"When I order pizza online, in the ""Special Instructions for the Driver"" box, I put ""Tell me I'm a pretty princess"". And they do. And I am."
"What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck sucked his blood and said ""Who's a pretty boy then?"""