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Joke of the Day

"My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game."

"What does snowman have and snow women doesn't, snowballs."

"Why'd the chicken cross the road Wtf Idk"

"Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband."

"Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks = girl ant. If it floats = buoyant."

"[ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that. [laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now"

"The GOP debate"

"I just bought a book from Apple The beginning was iOpening"

"""The mood was somber plus it was a total sausage fest. The unlimited fish & loaves were a nice touch though.""-Yelp review of the Last Supper"

"If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it... then my illegal logging business is a success."