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Joke of the Day

"Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of- *puts hand over phone* -what was it again? Daughter: Boogeritis. *to phone* It's Boogeritis."

"Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth."

"There's a nudist convention in my town next weekend I might go if I've got nothing on"

"Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella with him everywhere? Fa Drizzle"

"I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news."

"What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas? As little as possible dummy!"

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: one to hold the bulb, and two to spin the first one around."

"Why couldn't the pregnant horse sing? Because she was getting a little hoarse"

"What does the future hold? Global warming, depleted resources, & species going extinct. But also the iPhone 5, so it's break even."

"Which word is the longest in the English language? Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters"