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Joke of the Day

"Dad with his son are watching a movie when a sex scene begins \-Son, leave the room please. \-Dad, but I'm 23... \-I don't give a fuck how old you are, you're not going to watch me jack off."

"GURU: You have achieved the state of sakrdagamin: you will reach nirvana within seven lifetimes ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six"

"*writing suicide letter Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I'm gone... Cat: *you're"

"If you trip over in public, a cool thing to do is break into a jog, leave the country, have plastic surgery and change your name."

"I told my lawyer I wanted to seek the death penalty against my wife. He said that's not how a divorce works."

"I ordered girlfriend from Thailand who thinks small penis isn't an obstacle for relationship. Now I just have to get used to that she has one."

"My Abuela voted for the first time yesterday morning! And for the last time a few hours ago."

"They're making a movie about the death of Steve Irwin Jamie Foxx will be playing Ray"

"If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?"

"Poke joke Knock knock? who's there? Shaymin. Shaymin who? Shame in you!"