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Joke of the Day

"GURU: You have achieved the state of sakrdagamin: you will reach nirvana within seven lifetimes ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six"

"Ever tried anal sex? Its fucking shit."

"There's a sale on deer testicles. They're under a buck."

"Why can't puns be explained to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally"

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side."

"Why didn't anyone show up to Kim Jong-il's funeral? The reports of his death were unbereavable."

"18 years ago my 4rd grade teacher said to me ""You aren't shit and you'll never amount to anything.""... I guess it's safe to say, she was a psychic. Wonder if she can predict the lottery too."

"What do you call a fight between an Illegal Immigrant and a Pedophile? Alien vs Predator"

"No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive I won't have a clue how to get back here"

"What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use? AAA"