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Joke of the Day

"I told my lawyer I wanted to seek the death penalty against my wife. He said that's not how a divorce works."

"I just used a Saddam Hussein jelly mould.... I think I've set a dangerous president."

"What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face"

"if you love dictionaries so much why dont you Merriam"

"she died doing what she loved: looking at her phone while crossing the street"

"What is Trump's favorite book? 50 Shades of Grey: the story of a billionaire dominating and fucking a dumb American."

"Some rude idiot just interrupted my afternoon nap by honking his horn just because the light turned green."

"What do you call a lazy lizard? A procrastigator."

"Why couldn't Ray Charles read? Because he's blind you racist."