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Joke of the Day

"If you trip over in public, a cool thing to do is break into a jog, leave the country, have plastic surgery and change your name."

"I tried mugging an old aged pensioner yesterday. I said, ""Give me all your money now, bitch, or you're geography."" ""Don't you mean history?"" she replied. I said, ""Don't try to change the subject."""

"How is a gynecologist like a pizza delivery boy? They both get close enough to smell it, but if they eat it, they'll be fired."

"How do you catch a bear? 1. Dig a big hole 2. Fill the hole with ash 3. Place peas all around the hole 4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole"

"I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today. Her funeral will be this saturday."

"I contemplated suicide earlier. Then I thought about homicide. Finally I thought f*ck it, I hate crosswords, I'm off to the pub."

"5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse."

"What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four."

"Want to hear a joke? I was going to tell a gay joke, butt fuck it."

"I wonder if both Wright Brothers were behind their inventions, or it was just one & their mother yelling ""Wilbur, you include your brother!"""