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Joke of the Day

"Can I go out and do drugs tonight dad? EXCUSE ME?! *sighs* MAY I go out and do drugs tonight dad *snaps newspaper* that's better"

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl ? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message ."

"A jumper cable walks into a bar The bartender says okay I'll serve you, as long as you don't start anything."

"Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait...."

"My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet."

"There's a black man in my family tree... He's been hanging there for a while now."

"Donald trump wants to run for president, Why not? Wouldn't be the first time he's pushed a black family out of their home. (Snoop Dogg - /u/Here_Comes_The_King )"

"I noticed my waitress had a black eye so I ordered very clearly. Because obviously she doesn't get things right the first time."

"Did you hear about the Pigeon rebellion? Yeah, it was a ""coo"" d'etat."

"Me: Which cup do you want? 2-year-old: That one! Me: Let's pick a different one. 2-year-old: No! *drinks milk from a shot glass*"