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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl ? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message ."

"What is a terrorist favorite Pokemon move? Self-Destruct"

"What is Carrie Fisher's favorite snack? Frito Leah's"

"I ordered a red ottoman online yesterday and now all my self-aware sidebar ads are a never-ending David Lynch fever dream of red ottomans."

"[rap battle] Opponent: *crushes it* Me: Oh, I... umm. I thought this was something else... *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*"

"1. Ice *check* 2. Ice *check* 3. Baby *calls 911* - Freezer Inspector -"

"[hears a voice in the sky] - Is it you? GOD?! [kneels] Voice: Could the idiot on platform 4 stop kneeling every time I make an announcement?"

"Why do Communists only drink coffee? Because proper tea is theft."

"Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal? He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal? Why won't you just text him?"

"Just went to Walgreens & they're a bunch of liars. Their walls were more of a beige color. I'm suing."