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Joke of the Day
"What is the difference between Emo teenagers and your lawn? Your lawn won't cut itself."
Next Joke
"I could Juggle right now, but I don't have the balls to do it."
"What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer? The taste."
"[I just barely squeeze thru the elevator doors as they shut, however my chain wallet get caught, ripping my pants off as the elevator rises]"
"What do you get when The Dark Knight meets Edgar Allan Poe? (x-post from r/funny) [Poetic Justice](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me6ovqdnAp1rzkyaxo1_500.png)"
"Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back."
"""Smells fresh. Like a tropical island."" ""Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"""
"How do you stop a baby from crawling in a circle? Nail it's other hand to the floor."
"I know I'm supposed to be outraged about this whole NSA phone tapping scandal, but I've got to admit, its a little refreshing that after a decade of marriage, someone is finally listening to me."
"I think it's sweet that teens text ""U up?"" really late at night to check that their friends are getting to bed at a reasonable hour"